May 17, 2017

Looking back

            When we were appointed to First United Methodist Church in Jefferson City all I heard was that I was going to a great congregation.  As I prepared to go there I could never have imagined how true that would be.

            From the first meetings I knew that this was going to be a people and a place that would stretch me.  At first I wondered if I could be the pastor they needed.  But as always God showed me that He never placed me where I couldn’t serve Him, glorify Him and make Him smile.

            Those who know me may wonder why I talk so much about making God smile.  Years ago I was going through a tough time with my health and as I had time to spend with God I started wondering about God’s ability to feel all the pain and suffering of so many people.  I asked God to let me experience just a bit of what He feels.  I cannot express the pain, the anguish and also the joy that flooded my soul for just a second.  After that I have tried to help others realize that we can increase the joy that God feels.

            The weakness and pain was beginning to grow but I continued my usual method of trying to reach out to each part of the congregation and get to know the strengths and weaknesses of the congregation and the community.  I found a congregation and a community that had a great heart and was organized to reach out to bless others in Christ.

            As I shared my own testimony of how God saved my life and brought me from destructive alcoholism to a life honoring Him others came to share their hurts and their celebrations.

            Even as I began to get weaker and feel tremendous pain I celebrated all God was doing!

Tuesday May 16

            Once again I arose early and could not sleep.  My eyes were hurting terribly and even after using a tea bag treatment they did not get better.

            When I was a boy we didn’t have money for doctors and when we got any kind of eye problem we would take two tea bags and put them in hot water.  Then we would place them on our eyes and press the bags so the tea could soothe our eyes.

            Because of the Small Fiber Neuropathy (I guess) my toes have been feeling like they are made out of rock and weigh about 50 pounds.  Today they quickly got worse and not only felt heavier but began to feel like they were tearing through the skin.  The pain became agonizing and even reading scripture and prayer did not settle it.

            Finally I laid down and slept for a couple of hours and when I awoke the pain had returned to its usual level.  Currently I take 300 MG of Neuronton in the morning and 400MG after lunch and in the evening.  As I slowly increase the level of Neuronton the pain seems to be just ahead.

            Did have good time with Bonnie and Rebecca and was able to eat supper after eating lightly earlier.  God is so good and knows what we can bear and when.  God reminds me to see the pain all my family is experiencing which is helpful in two ways.

1.      It helps me to understand the effect of my struggle on them and to find ways to lessen their load and to be of encouragement to them.

2.      It keeps me from being overwhelmed by the pain and losing my source of help in God and in the people God uses to help me.

Each day I need to remind myself that without God I would have died almost 40 years ago

and God has given me the wonderful blessing of seeing Him bless so many lives, of having Bonnie in my life of having three wonderful children and then having through my daughters marriage the addition of another son.  God is so good that I still seek to make God smile!!!