May 19, 2017

Looking back

            As weeks turned to months the memories grew and even connected together.  A dark memory from my time in the Navy connected with a dark memory from my childhood.  Each one as I explained to my counselor and to Bonnie had a “ghost” with it.  A person who seemed to haunt my life.  Watching the news connected to a memory and suddenly I could smell, taste and see the memory and it became more real than my daily life. 

            At the same time I was growing weaker and the pain in the body was increasing.  There was a general weakness that began in my fingers and toes and moved upward more rapidly in my legs than arms.  The cramps became an agony and happened at least two times a night.  Lasting for about an hour each time I became more and more sleep deprived even with my C-Pap machine.

            I contacted my Staff Pastor Parish Relations person and the District Superintendent to let them know about the trouble I was having as I was slowed down more and more because of my condition.  They were very supportive and helpful.

Thursday May 18

            This was a long day but it helped that I had slept well.  Got up and had a good breakfast which I was able to fix.  Bonnie, Rebecca and I left to go see a house that was very interesting to us which had been recommended by a realtor who had been a member at a congregation I served.  It is a definite possibility.

            Went to Jason’s Deli and had lunch with Jonathan.  It was a time to rest up after the trip before seeing the Neurologist.  He had shown a lack of certainty that I had something until the biopsy showed I have Small Fiber Neuropathy. 

            I should say that usually travel in a car gives me horrendous pain.  At first I would have Bonnie stop so I could throw up. Usually bile.  Over time I learned that for car trips and preaching if I drank some carbonated beverage along I could belch out my troubles and not burn my throat.

            But this trip was not as bad since more of my body is numb and the pain was not felt.  One time recently the pain was so terrible that I passed out and for about 18 hours felt no pain but also could move only my right hand and head.

            The doctor prescribed another med and scheduled me for a lumbar puncture.  I must admit I am starting to feel like a spare tire already going flat.

            Bonnie’s Mom is still recovering from her second surgery after breaking her ankle area.  I feel so useless to help and for draining off support others could give.  But I continue my ministry of prayer.