May 21, 2017

Looking back

            When I went to the emergency room I could not rouse and I could not move.  They thought I had a stroke, but I knew that the pain was so great I asked God to take it away and for about 18 hours I could not move but also didn’t feel any pain!  Many may not understand but I was willing to not be able to move if I didn’t hurt!  I felt so bad for Bonnie and Rebecca when I saw the worry and pain it caused them.

            So back to the pain and the search for a diagnosis so we could put a name on what I am feeling.  For the weakness and the pain.  For the numbness in my hands and feet. 

            The pain I was feeling grew faster than the scheduled increase in medicine.  My toes felt so large and were like rocks or blocks of wood.  They looked the same but felt heavy and weak.  There was also pain like a screwdriver was pushed in me and it might last for a second or for hours.  This happened throughout my body and was very hard to bear.  Each day was a new discovery of what would hurt!  I also would get what I called the itchies which felt like a rash without the rash. 

Over the time it was getting harder to walk so I went from cane to walker and then to roller walker.  I was good and used them because I was afraid I would fall and if I broke something that would be terrible.

Saturday May 20

Again the pain in my eyes was terrible.  Is this the new normal?  I told Rebecca I wish I could take my eyes out and clean them off and put them back in.  But that was a stupid thought!  For the first time in a while I saw again when I cleaned the person from the jet engine and marveled that one of his eyes was intact.  BAD DAY!

It was good to have Jonathan with us and the company and change was good.  We watched shows together and talked.

Was able to listen to the Bible and got through Amos chapter 4.  At times it is hard to read about so much judgment while hurting so badly.  But I remember God’s promise that He will work this for His glory as He heals me through this and not from it.  My Love (what I call Him when talking with Him) said that the best days were ahead and I do not believe He just meant Heaven.  My Love still has plans for me.  Maybe it is this blog.

Bonnie, Rebecca and I talked today about the future.  We need to leave the parsonage in time for them to make the necessary repairs.  Since we have not gotten the disability we will need to find an interim place.  We are going to ask Mom if we can stay at her open place for at least 6 weeks so if we get disability we can decide on a place even if we choose to try to buy hers.