May 22, 2017

Looking back

            Sometimes I marvel at the process of going from being a “Full” time congregational pastor to going on disability.

            As what I call the head stuff and the physical pain and weakness grew my ability to serve at First steadily declined.  It was hard to talk with people about their problems when so many connected with mine.  It was hard to keep my mind on even sermon preparation which is one of my favorite things to do.

            I did find listening to God’s Word on a DVD Bible I had bought for Mom when she was ill did help.  It helped clear my mind but often I didn’t really remember what I listened to.

            Finally I went to the Staff Pastor Parish Relations Chairperson and then on to the District Superintendent to let them know what was going on.

            At first everyone counseled that I hang on hoping for a healing but as I weakened they said that it would be enough if I just preached.  But over time I was having a negative effect on First.

            So finally I started the process of going on Medical Leave so I could start the process of disability.

Sunday May 21

            This was the first good day in a while!  I woke up feeling rested and my eyes were not hurting.  I wonder if the Lamotrigine is working? 

            We were able to go to Asbury for church.  It was so good to be at worship.  I miss being with the Church for a time of Worship.

            After worship I sort of passed out for over an hour.  The rest of the day started going back to the normal pain.  Even with resting I still feel so tired.

            Later we discussed how some people we know are frustrated with us.  They think we do not understand the seriousness of our situation and are not taking it very seriously.   

            Few people understand all Bonnie and Becca have gone through in helping me along the way.  Bonnie has had to be my advocate as often doctors have not taken my condition seriously or wouldn’t even send information to Liberty Mutual so they could process my application for disability. 

Besides that Bonnie and Becca have had to watch my steady and painful decline and take up more and more of the little I did around the house.  Then we had to get ready to move out of the parsonage while waiting on the disability so we could decide where to live.  As time ran out we had to go to Mom’s place.

Besides that we went through months of Dad being ill and then his death a few months back and all the family troubles that came from that.  Bonnie’s sister’s father-in-law passed away after a long illness and Mom broke her leg and ankle and has been through two surgeries.

I believe they understand the seriousness better than others do.