August 11, 2017

            The last days have been terrible with day after day of pain and restless sleep.  During these days the weariness is like a pall or a cloud and settles in and will not go away.  Time in the Bible and listening to and singing Hymns provides some relief.  Without the presence and help of God I would not make it.

            God is such a blessing to me as I go through this time.  The hardest thing is seeing how hard it often is on Bonnie and Rebecca.  They hurt for me and often hurt because of me.  But I trust God to bless them and see them through.

            It is so hard to describe what I am going through.  My lower body is mostly numb yet I still experience a great deal of what I call false pain.  At times it feels like stabbing or cutting and I will jerk because of the pain.  My skin seems to be struggling as it goes from crepey to now getting red and with pimply like spots.  The doctor thinks my meds are making me allergic to the sun.  My toes feel like they are made of stone and some are starting to curl in.  My eyes still burn and hurt even with the new glasses and I have to wear sunglasses outside and even inside if it is bright.  At times I feel like I have been punched in the side and it is so hard I lose my breath.  I still feel as though I am burning and on fire but without a fever.

            Either besides or because of all this my mind is getting worse and often I can’t put words in the right order or use the correct word.  I also at times look at my hands and they do not seem to be my own.  At other times it seems as though my skin is either too loose or too tight.  Like my skin is a garment that doesn’t fit.

            But God is good and continues to bless me!