March 1, 2018 Thursday

“« To the Chief Musician. Set to “The Deer of the Dawn.” A Psalm of David. » My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why are You so far from helping Me, And from the words of My groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; And in the night season, and am not silent. But You are holy, Enthroned in the praises of Israel.” (Psalm 22:1-3 NKJV)

            When I was 19 years old doctors told me I had three months to live.  A friends mother took me to a Pentecostal Congregation she went to and they prayed for me.  When I left the older gentleman in charge of the group told me “Remember you are healed by the stripes on Christ’s back”.  I still hear those words in my soul after 40 years.

            Before that day I knew I was lost and without hope.  I did not have a fear of death but a fear of living!  A short time before they discovered my illness I went to a Congregation I had seen on TV.  I was so embarrassed to be there and sat behind a pillar hoping no one would notice me.  An older gentleman tapped my shoulder and said “Could you please come back another time, this is our televised service.”

            I felt forsaken.  To me it was not the Church but God who didn’t want me!  I could have cried Why are You so far from helping Me, And from the words of My groaning? 

            But I knew why.  It was because I was a drunk and I had cut myself off from God.  Why would God want someone like me?  I was not just broken I was shattered.  I wasn’t just lost I was nowhere.  I didn’t even know the God I cried out to.  I was in despair.

            But long before I cried out those words and felt that rejection God loved me enough to take on my despair as well as my sin!  As I read these words I knew for certain God understood my heart and still loved me!  I recognized the Holiness of God and with my praise I enthroned God in my heart.

            For 40 years I have served the one who bore my despair!  For over 40 years I have loved Jesus who sacrificed Himself for me!  For 40 years I have been in pain from my alcoholism and the blood disease and now I am disabled and in greater pain. But I trust in the One who took on my stripes and through my pain and suffering I pray I will glorify the God of my salvation!  For despite all I suffer I AM HEALED, I AM SET FREE TO LIVE AND DEATH HAS BEEN CONQUERED BY LIFE!  Glory be to my God and My Love!

            Spent today resting from the last week.  Had a phone conversation with Rev Tom Underwood and he is about the only one who keeps in contact except a few who send cards.  Tom keeps me up to date on prayer needs at First Jeff and we commiserate about our pains and weakness.  The only difference is he is about 15 to 20 years older than me.  For those who know a shut-in please remember them even if it is only a card.  As a pastor I was so saddened to see people who had served their congregations for years and the only time people from their congregation showed up was at their funerals.  But with the presence of My Lord and the blessing of Bonnie and Rebecca I am cared for very well.