God,

It is Easter Sunday and as I sit here so many things run through my mind. I remember the wonder of Easter before I let go of You. I remember wishing people could understand how much You love and what that really means. I remember wishing Easter would bring at least one day when suffering would be held at bay – if only for one day. But God I have never understood Your ways and I never will.

As Solomon reminded us there really is nothing new under the sun. But I wonder if it is not more than that. Could it be like the Creator God we are in is an always now life? Is life, which is God, really always in the present and we are not so much formed by our past as much as we make it. We still are wounded and burdened by living out our desire for sin which does compound and grow, but are we left only with this moment to change – or not?

Could it be humanity is caught in the web of our sin which over and over “replays” itself in an unending cycle of the same sins, tragedies and horrors? Do so many things play over and over, never changing and the only difference is whether we see them or not? Whether we fight against them or not?

Could it be all we can accomplish in this world running in the same cycle over and over is to humbly ask for Your redemption for our salvation and to help others find that also?

I know some would say this is sinful and horrific thinking but I wonder if the world we have created is not more corroded and corrupted than we think. Maybe the accumulation of sin and its corruption is so much greater than we can imagine or understanding. Could it be if we could understand we would cease to exist as we screamed in horror?

Easter is a time to remember resurrection and hope. But we must also remember the crucifixion of Jesus is renewed in each of our lives so we can live in the hope of Easter. In the hope of the resurrection.

On Easter morning this runs through my mind. How can all the pain, suffering and screaming continue after Easter? Should not such a momentous event, yet so much more than an event, break the power of the sin which replays over and over? Or maybe Easter is not to make everything better but so we can have our opportunity to make all things new?

My soul hurts even more than my mind. So much runs through my heart and mind I am left only with a broken heart and mind for all the suffering. I would weep but the tears have run dry. How long will the pain last? How long will God allow it? How long will we allow it?

In the end all I can say is that I hurt. But I also believe God hurts more and suffers more than we can imagine. That is my hope this Easter. Indeed, it is our only hope.

 From my Grace Journal.

It was suggested to start a Grace Journal as a reminder of our need not for agreement but grace to guide our relationships.

4/4/2021