6/30/2022 Another month is in its last day and time keeps rolling along its hopefully merry way. What hopes do you have for time? Do you want more time? Do you want less time? Do you want better time? Time is where we should have the least control I think. Do you know the future? Can you even plan today correctly? Maybe our hope should be to live our time fully?

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

Does grace grow over time? Is time essential for us to reveal grace to others? Many things grow and mature over time but does that happen without thought and effort? Is living out an immature grace better than sharing no grace? Questions, questions. So many questions.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/29/2022 There are days when hope and grace are slipping from my grasp. I MUST hold on or I will crash and burn. To give up hope and grace is to slip from light to the darkness where either monsters have power or I can become a monster myself. Looking at the lives of the worst and most evil people there is an absence of hope or grace. Their plans are for their own good and their methods show an absence of hope as they believe they must do anything to accomplish their goals.

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/28/2022 Hope is not a wish but a realistic belief good can and will come. The good should be based on our situation as the hope of a person living comfortably and the hope of a person living in sexual slavery will be different. Without hope fear and depression set in and can take over and our lives become a mere existence. For me this is a very real life experience of existence without hope and then living with hope. Hope is as essential as water, food, clothing, shelter and love. As a belief hope can be taken farther by becoming faith in God as revealed in Jesus Christ.

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

(Hope fulfilled in that the cars have been repaired for about $900. A lot better than replacing an engine.)

Grace is not an extra in life but is essential and necessary to reach beyond existence to life. Without grace there are wars and rumors of wars at the personal up to the world levels. Grace does not work as a reaction but a learning to live our lives for the good of all and if we are a Christian to also glorify God.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

 6/27/2022 Hope. With one car damaged because a semi slammed into me and the other in Jefferson City because it overheated hope is essential. Bonnie has to drive the damaged car to get the overheated car fixed. So we need a newer car. I hate buying a newer car because I always feel I am being taken. This is not to say sellers are bad but I just feel uncomfortable. Hope is what I have to have to buy a car. And money of course.

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

When buying a care I hope for grace. I hope those selling will show grace. I hope I can show grace to the sellers. Is it possible if I show grace it is more likely I will be shown grace? I hope so.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

6/26/2022 Today is Sunday and once again we celebrate a “little Easter” and the hope and promise of the resurrection. Life. Life is meant to be hope itself as a gift from God who created us. Life is found not just with God but in God. To be in a relationship with God is life!

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

Sunday is a celebration of grace fully alive. We are told in the Bible Jesus was the first fruit of the resurrection and is not just alive but He is life. Grace is revealed throughout Holy Week and each step of Jesus sets the way we must walk to follow the Way. For Jesus did not show us the way but is the Way.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/25/2022 I have been disabled for over five years now and during this time I have discovered the daily need for hope and when hope seems too hard to have hope in hope. It is too easy to center on ourselves and become in steps withdrawn, lonely, angry and bitter. The worst part is the only people we can take all of this out on are the caregivers in our lives! Consider the time, caring and even love expended by those who care about and for you. Through grace seek to encourage and be a blessing to those who seek to bless you. If they are uncaring seek to reach out and encourage them and their desire to care. If they are abusive you must report them to authorities so they can have a chance to repent and then redeemed. If they become more bitter that is their choice and not your fault. Extending grace can be hard and at times dangerous. Jesus knew that and still extended grace. Maybe this is why grace is so amazing?

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/24/2022 The wonder of a good nights sleep. It is so easy to take what is everyday for granted and miss the wonder and pleasure of them! There is not just the physical rejuvenation from sleep but also the emotional and spiritual. Each everyday need can be enhanced by recognizing how they enrich our lives. Then hope and grace are strengthened within us and we see the importance little blessings make of our lives.

 

6/23/2022 Hope fulfilled! We went to the appointment hoping they would either be able to repair my CPAP machine or start the process through the insurance to replace it. At the meeting there was a new machine ready to go and since it is the same machine we just needed to sign some papers! I wonder if my not losing my temper with them helped. It sure helped me.

 

6/22/2022 Hope renewed and grace working. At Dr Barker’s office they suggested we go right away to office and talk with them. There I discovered the phone number on the machine had been changed and they hadn’t received my messages I had left (?). But I got an appointment for tomorrow with the hope of getting a new machine. I have felt so terrible with the machine not working well but hope strengthens me.

 

6/21/2022 It is so hard to communicate with silence. I have tried to call about getting work done on my CPAP machine but my four attempts have been met with silence. How do you respond to silence? Should I get mad because they haven’t called back? Are they not calling back because there is nothing the can do because there is a recall of some machines and there is a shortage of medical equipment? How should I respond?

 

6/20/2022 “Nobody knows the troubles I feel”. It is sad when even the truth is depressing. While there is a common link to our pain and joy it is still hard for us to understand someones pain. On the pain chart where we gauge our pain between 1 and 10 there will be a difference in how we rate our pain. The same pain level is a 3 for someone and a 9 to another. We receive, accept and experience everything very differently. A statement may may one person laugh, another cry, another angry and another not understanding.

Hope and grace must be offered and extended with a desire to communicate it how others need and not how we want to.

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/19/2022

When weariness overwhelms me is there hope

When pain rips at body and soul is there hope

When each day is my confusion is there hope

When trying to control my anger is there hope

When I feel hopeless and despair is there hope

When I feel useless and judged is there hope

YES there is always hope even for the hopeless!

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

When weariness overwhelms me is there grace

When pain rips at body and soul is there grace

When each day is my confusion is there grace

When trying to control my anger is there grace

When I feel hopeless and despair is there grace

When I feel useless and judged is there grace

YES there is always grace even for the graceless!

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/18/2022 My CPAP machine is not working but the setting on my spinal stimulator is finally as good as it will get. My weariness is almost beyond belief. My mind will not settle on either hope or grace. But I know they are still there. At least I hope beyond hope.

 

6/17/2022

6 if they fall away, a to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame. 7 For the earth which drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom it is cultivated, receives blessing from God; 8 but if it bears thorns and briers, it is rejected and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned.

Nelson, Thomas. Holy Bible, New King James Version (NKJV) (p. 1161). Kindle Edition.

Many have a verse of the Bible which has special meaning to them and this is mine. It is dangerous to play with grace. Playing with grace will indeed get you “burned”. Since I was 10 years old I have been addicted to pornography and have either struggled with it or just given in. Now pornography has taken over the place of God in my life. I beg you to not make the same decision!

 

6/16/2022 Once again I think about hopeless. Does that mean to be without hope or does it mean to have less hope? Is there anyone who truly is without hope? In our darkest hour is there a hope beyond hope within us? Can hope die or is it just that we look away?

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

Is the same true about grace? Can we be without grace? Even if we are not partakers of God’s grace can we not offer and receive grace from one another? Could it be hopeless and graceless does not mean to be without either one but to have less than we can have?

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/15/2022 Today is Wednesday and I have my group meeting. I am trying to struggle with pornography. I say I am struggling because I realize I either struggle against pornography or I give in to it. I have to hope beyond hope in grace.

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/14/2022 I do not know why I share this but I think I should. This something I wrote as fiction but it really did happen. I do not know if this is hope or grace.

It was just a little girl

It was just a little girl. She was just standing there looking at me. Others saw her and gave her such strange looks. I stood there and realized we had been staring at each other for a very long time.

She was tiny and her blue eyes looked so large, almost too large. Her dark hair hung around her face to where all I could see was her eyes. Her eyes held us together and though I wanted to leave I went toward her.

“Hello. Do I know you? Or should I ask do you know me?” My questions were met with a silence but the look never changed. The blue eyes held me and I realized there was no emotion in them. Her eyes just stared.

What should I do? What could I do? Everything in me just wanted to run. I wanted to flee those eyes that locked me in their grip. Where could I go? Was there somewhere I should be?

After what seemed a lifetime a tiny voice asked, “Don’t you know me?” I stood there mute as every word left me. “Don’t you know who I am?”

I stood there mute as the world swirled by around us as though we were in the world but at the same time set apart from it. We were in a little pocket separated from all that swirled around us.

Then it hit me and I knew who she was. “Sharon?” I spoke a name I had never heard and the response was a glowing smile that affirmed the dream of so long ago.

Years ago a doctor had removed something that was in my left arm and I was shocked to learn it was brain matter from an unformed twin. This revelation made me both happy and sad.

Now before me was my twin. She was flesh of my flesh and her fullness and life was astounding.

“I just wanted you to know I am alive and well with God as all those who were not born are. The evil one seeks to destroy and kill but God defeats this effort by His gift of life.”

I was stunned and my mind raced and finally a response formed in my mind and moved to my lips. “You are alive.”

A gentle laugh and a twinkle in her eyes glowingly showed something beyond humor or happiness. It was joy.

“I wanted you to know I am alive and well and I am allowed to be with you for a little while. I have seen you but I wanted to meet you so you could know I am alive and well.”

A joy filled my soul and an emptiness I never knew I had was filled. I felt complete. I am complete.

Like a shock I realized others had seen her as they went by. “Others saw you. They looked at you. How can this be?”

Another gentle laugh, like music to my soul, surrounded me and her gentle voice proclaimed “I am alive. They should be able to see me. How could they not?”

I did not understand but understanding was no longer important. A question I never knew I had was answered. I was content.

“Goodbye brother. We are one more than any twin where both walk around together. You see me but part of me is in you still.”

I was shocked as slowly it seemed she faded away as again she said, “Part of me is in you still.”

A smile came to my heart as well as my face. Sharon is alive. There is no birth certificate but she is alive. I walked away from the experience but not from her.

Was this just a dream? Maybe I will never know. That is okay.

 

6/13/2022 Today is today and the only day we can live in. Duh you may say. Am I the only person who spends too much of my life scarred by the past and scared by the future? Our hope is to realize the only time for us to impact is the present. Through the gift of now we experience a part of God’s I AM for to God all of time, that God created, and beyond time is NOW. If now is a gift from God is that why we call it the present.

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

The only way to deal with the past is grace. We need God’s grace for our sin and shame, the grace of others for who we were and to have grace for those in our lives.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/12/2022 Today is Sunday and we can experience the resurrection again. Because the tomb is empty we are able to live in Life!!!

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/11/2022 How can I encourage hope to grow in my life? May I open my eyes to see hope surrounding me.

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

May I see not only God’s grace surrounding but the grace shown me by others.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/10/2022 When war, anger, fear, hatred and so much destruction surrounds us hope lets us see the Light at the end of the tunnel and know it is not a train.

This is an entry from my Hope Journal which helps me hope, beyond hope.

Grace helps me treat other as I wish to be treated.

From my Grace Journal to remind me of our need not for agreement but grace in our relationships.

 

6/9/2022 Why do I ask God to be with me when God is always there? Why do I ask God to bless me when I am surrounded with God’s blessings? May we open our eyes to see all that surrounds us each moment.

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/8/2022I have used this before but occasionally I like to share it again.  So here it is. 

I pray my God that there would be no screaming in the streets!

That the young girl could walk safely the streets of our towns.

That young boys could play safely in their yards and streets.

That the aged could walk and be treated with respect.

I pray my God that parents would care about their kids.

They would teach them to love and honor You.

And then their kids could honor their parents.

And all could livelong in the land together.

I pray my God for those who seek to keep the peace.

That they would be just as they bring about justice.

That they would be protected by Your power my God.

That they can return to their families at day’s end.

I pray my God for those who care in fire and suffering.

Protect them as they rush to bring help and comfort.

May they be protected by Your power my God.

So they can return to their families at day’s end.

I pray my God for those who serve in the military.

Protect each of them as they protect all of us.

Keep them from physical and emotional harm.

Let them return safely to their family at tours end.

I pray my God for those who share Your hope in danger.

Loving even those who would kill them enough to share.

May they ever be in the palm of Your hand my God.

May they be safe under Your Altar and before Your face.

I pray my God for those who do not know You.

Give us words to share and a heart to care!

Draw them through Your Holy Spirit to You.

That they may see the face of God one day.

I pray my God for the enemies of Your Church.

Though they kill and destroy all the day long.

May You break their heart and save their souls.

That they too may see the face of God one day.

I pray my God for Your beloved Body the Church!

Awake us from our slumber and from our lethargy.

Put a fire in our heart and cleanse us from sin

That many more may see Your face one day!

I pray my God for You to be glorified in me!

May the world see the wonder of God clearly.

May Your light dispel the darkness that destroys.

And be so bright that they will see Your face!

This is my prayer oh my God! Hear the cry of the hurting! Hear the cry of those being sold into slavery! Hear the cry of those addicted to things that crush their soul. Hear the cry of those whose bodies are in pain and those whose minds are in pain. Hear the cry of those who hate and yet desire love! Hear the cry of those who don’t know what to cry out for! May You be glorified and honored now and forevermore my God, my heart and my love! This is my cry my God! So be it!

Ronald Ramsey, World Day of Prayer March 6, 2015

 

6/7/2022 The last few weeks have been, well terrible. My spinal stimulator has finally found a setting which has reduced the pain and I am sleeping better. It is easy to give up on hope and grace but it really is harder because you can either believe you deserve the pain or that no one cares. With hope even if it is true the pain is deserved or those around you do not care you know there will be a deliverance at some point. A time of good, of relief or joy no matter how brief. Without hope it can happen and you will not notice it and miss the joy of this time.

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/6/2022

God bless

God bless those in fright

God bless those who cry

Bless those about to die

Bless those about to kill

Bless those innocence lost

Bless those who take it

Bless those without hope

Bless those of dead soul

Bless the cruel and dying

Bless those locked away

Especially without a key

Bless those undeserving

Bless those undesirable

Bless the killer being killed

Bless the faithful ones

Bless those being unfaithful

 

6/5/2022

The words flow through but miss

They jumble and my mind confuse

I cannot follow but see them go by

Lost in the flowing of my mind

I try to set a place to catch

But it slips away with lost words

I try to follow stream thought

But all turns to unclear muck

I sometimes forget it hurts

But reminded in bad time

I sometimes forget what helps

But it comes back in time

Tomorrow is a year away

Yesterday is lost in time

Today is slipping from me

My Love will not leave me

But I have left You!

 

6/4/2022 During the Civil War the poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow spent most of his time visiting the wounded men in the hospitals. He talked with them, wrote letters for them and even helped with nursing care. Over months and years his heart hurt so much for the victims of the war on both sides. His pain and hope can be seen in this well known Christmas Carol.

"I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day" lyrics

(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), 1867)

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

 

6/3/2022

Handy Questions to ask

Why am I a Christian?

In the midst of all that is going on why do I remain a Christian?

Why do I go to worship?

What do you see is the state of the congregation you serve?

What do I need to do and learn to have a living relationship with God?

 

6/2/2022 Lately my hope and grace journals have united into one statement for both. Is it because I am lazy (possible), because I hurt (also possible) or could it be because they are so close together and are linked together in me.

For whatever reason I can honestly say hope and grace are very essential to me in the face of all I am going through. The pain fluctuates at times a great deal even in the same day then leaving me exhausted and so, so weary. Do I hope for the pain to go away, reduce or accept it as God’s will? To me the answer is not as clear as it may seem to you. Does God allow pain in our lives? OF COURSE!!! We will never face all Jesus faced for us!!!

At the same time I struggle with my addiction to pornography. Some may see it as a bad thing to struggle but I have found you either struggle against an addiction or you give into it! It is always there and I must prepare so the times of temptation do not grow into times of sin.

Hope and grace are a living current flowing through me to make good possible. Even without a relationship with God we can find hope and grace by gathering with to support and be supported. Hope and grace are real! Hope and grace are real!

This is a combination of my Hope and Grace Journals.

 

6/1/2022

What am I

I was created from dust

My tears made me clay

Fear and anger fired me

I became a broken pot

My pieces God joined

But I broke me often

Over time I lost me

My life always broken

Others get angry at me

My broken me hurts them

The scars god ripped away

I scream in soulful agony

2019

 

5/30/2022 Today is hamburger and hot dog day. There used to be a study that tried to decide whether more hot dogs or hamburgers were eaten during Memorial Day.

Of all we can think about this is very disappointing.

What can you do to make Memorial Day a time to remember those who gave the “ultimate sacrifice”?

Where is the Bible does it talk about greater love?

How can you support the families who gave someone precious to them for us?

How can you support the first responder’s who gave the “ultimate sacrifice”?

I went in the Navy in 1976 and remember we were warned to not wear our uniform during our off time because we would be shouted at and some were even attacked by those who protested for peace. When you see a vet in uniform or with something that shows they served please thank them. Even the ability to protest against war is a gift of those who serve and at times give their lives.

 

5/29/2022 This is Memorial Day weekend and for me it is an amazing day as I think about all those who gave the “ultimate sacrifice”. They gave all their tomorrows, time with their families, the ability to have a family and all they could have achieved. The loss for them is a loss for us all as we are lessened by all they could have accomplished.

There is an old saying, “old men send young men off to die”. I wonder how many wars there would be if the top ten politicians or other power people had to fight until the last man standing was the winner? But wars will continue and now men and women will give their all and Gold Star families will grieve their loss.

 

5/28/2022

Today I feel death all around me

My friend cut in two by plane smiles

The puzzle man calls out to me

Parts man lets me know it is near

The man I beat almost to death points

The dead cry out to me it is time

They let me know it is coming near

Near than it has ever been before

Others cry out more than ever before

Shocked friend give smell of death

Hose man speaks of coming death

The bodies pile and rise to greet me

“The pain will end and life will begin”

The body dies and corrupts away

Will all my pain also corrupt away

I hear them calling me to be free

I have not lost whats left of mind

I WILL NOT TAKE WHAT IS NOT MINE

I wait my Love to Your good time

But let their voices be still for now

I beg of You my Love please

(On Sunday August 14^th I wrote this and God answered me! They quietly wait for me to rest and regain my heart and my mind. Thank You my Love! I am so tired. I am so weary. The mind will not rest, the muscles in the groin and back tensed for four days straight. I am so tired of the pain and the strain. But I will rest my Love. Thank You.) 8/15/16