Seeds of shadows

I am called with gear and basket

But the basket is not needed

I stand as jet engine is removed

My knees buckled at the news

He is in there must be removed

I must go and “clean him out”

Numb and scared I go along

Basket in hand is unneeded

Crew chief curses and swears

Get that fool out of there

I want to run as engine opened

But too afraid to run and hide

A body bag placed in the basket

Gloves and air hose given to me

Piece by piece and part by part

I slowly removed him losing me

Vomit rolls up and down my throat

The smell is terribly overpowering

Someone gives me a useful rag

Wrapped around smell cut down

Parts of bone and pieces of flesh

A boondocker broke the engine

Is that an eye looking back at me

This is something I should not see

Gently and slowly I gather him

Chief thinks time taken a sin

Ranting and screaming for speed

Like an automaton slow speed

I try to get every piece of him

His family deserves that of me

But I want to run away and hide

Screams erupt in me inside

Parts but in bag sitting in basket

Basket built to save peoples life

I now fill with pieces of death

To be sent to mourning family

I want to cry but I cannot

I want to scream but I cannot

I want to vomit but I cannot

Want to save me but I cannot

Part of me dies with him that day

A part remains that won’t go away

I wall it up so I will not see

Afraid if lose will destroy me

The bag taken to be cared for

The engine rebuilt to fly

The basket cleaned for use

Who will care and clean me

Time off is given for the deed

Alcohol given becomes the seed

Death experienced and death drunk

Over time I become a drunk

Alcohol becomes death in me

Even as I begin to lose me

Why do I still that day so see

Playing movie in my mind to see

I drink myself to treat my pain

In my life is a growing stain

To lose the memories I have

I lose myself as price of salve

God will save me from my pain

Give me hope to begin again

But I wall off memories of pain

Until they break out through pain

Help me God I pray today

I need You to get through today

Calm and heal the terrible fray

Please My God with me stay May 23, 2016